What I had intended to do this passion week was to talk about the individual days of the week and what had occurred in the life of Christ during on that day. It would have been an interesting study and something I may do next year about this time, but some things have come up personally that detoured my thinking and wrecked some of my mental perimeters.
I am not ready to go into all the details, nor am I going to talk about it in my blog or online until all the things have worked out, but recently my life had one of those dramatic and sudden shifts. It is interesting how life has its slow and getting comfortable times then everything happens at once. These curves and paradigm shifts don't always come with a warning, or the warnings are subtle and indirect and often cloudy, but when they do come they force you to rethink how you have lived your life thus far and what you need to adjust in the new situation. The good changes....Hold on. I don't think that I can categorize them in simplistic forms of good and bad. There are multiple layers. For some changes are good for others, but not so much for you or they aren't necessarily bad, but seem that way. It could all just be perspective and context. Some are neither good nor bad, rather can be described as sudden lateral shifts.
Anyway the ultimately positive ones bring rushes of ecstasy and panic, while the extremely negative ones bring moments of fear and trembling. The one I experienced this week brought with it a flood of emotions including confusion, betrayal, fear, uncertainty, frustration, and my old friend loneliness. All of these things derailed me mentally and brought me to my knees. I fussed and cussed at God about it and all of these things and questioned Him why it had happened so suddenly and how am I going to survive this, and in His own way God answered.
I began to reflect on past events and paradigm shifts that occurred throughout my life. I began to think about all of the times that I was freaking out about one thing or another. I began to talk them out and feel the old feelings I felt in those times, and I heard God's silent voice whispering, "I took care of you then didn't I?" I said "Yes." He said "Don't worry I'm going to take care of you now." (almost exactly what I felt I heard Him say) "Just do what you need to do and follow me." (what may be implied.) So the wind has shifted, the tide has turned and once again I am depending on God for the future and adjusting my life to compensate for the shift. He hasn't failed me yet.
However, I would like my old friend loneliness to go away and never come back. He and I don't get along so well.